by Lisa Z. Fain | May 30, 2024 | Advice for Leaders, Facilitating Learning, Goal Setting Conversation, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Communication, Mentoring Questions, Mentoring Relationships, Supporting Mentors and Mentees
The best mentor-mentee relationships thrive on curiosity and powerful questions. Mentors should resist the urge to “fix” problems and avoid prescribing specific actions. Mentees should focus less on being who they think their mentor wants and more on approaching interactions with a willingness to learn, grow, and discover how to think.
I am always seeking great questions to facilitate these interactions. Recently, I discovered three excellent questions while listening to the audiobook Clear Thinking* by Shane Parrish. Parrish suggests that when seeking advice, your goal should be to understand how the other person thinks, not just what they think. Although his book is not specifically about mentoring, the questions he proposes can be highly beneficial for both mentees and mentors.
Questions Mentees can ask their Mentors
Mentees might ask….
1. What variables would you consider if you were in my shoes?
How do these variables relate to one another?
2. What do you know about this problem that I don’t?
What can you see based on your experience that someone without it cannot?
What do you know that most people don’t?
3. What would your process be for making this decision if you were in my shoes?
Questions Mentors can ask their Mentees
These questions are also valuable for mentors. Instead of offering solutions or suggestions, mentors can prompt their mentees to reflect by asking:
1. What variables in this decision are important to you?
Who else or what else does this decision impact?
2. What are you most worried about in making this decision?
What possibility excites you the most?
3. What have you tried so far?
What do you think is the best process for this decision?
These questions encourage reflection and empower mentees to solve both the current problem they are facing and future problems. They also enable mentees to develop authentic solutions that fit their unique needs, values, and learning styles.
What questions have you used to encourage clear thinking in your mentoring relationships?
*Clear Thinking by Shane Parrish: (Farnam Street, 2023, ISBN: 0593086112)
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Mar 19, 2018 | Advice for Leaders, Alignment, Assumption Hunting, Checking Out Assumptions, Facilitating Learning, Goal Setting Conversation, Group Mentoring, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Communication, Mentoring Questions, Mentoring Relationships, Mentoring Training, Supporting Mentors and Mentees
Celebrate Success!
How long has it been since you’ve taken a look at the progress you’ve made? As a mentor? As a mentee? In your business? In your personal growth?
We encourage you to take time each quarter with your mentoring partner to celebrate your achievements. What are the demonstrable improvements in outlook, behavior, performance and work satisfaction since your mentoring relationship began? Get specific and outcome-focused. We can’t fully appreciate where we are until we’ve celebrated how far we have come.
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Mar 5, 2018 | Advice for Leaders, Alignment, Assumption Hunting, Checking Out Assumptions, Facilitating Learning, Goal Setting Conversation, Group Mentoring, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Communication, Mentoring Questions, Mentoring Relationships, Mentoring Training, Supporting Mentors and Mentees
Checking in on Goals
How will you know whether or not you’re achieving your goals?
When you get results? Yes. Sometimes that’s the case.
More often the knowing and the awareness of where you are at with your goals lies in the simple, and powerful, action of checking in. You can do this on your own, with a friend, cohort or mastermind and/or with a mentor.
The real work of refreshing your memory and looking at your goals, framing them in your vision, is actually so simple that many overlook it. You won’t when you actively follow this tip.
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Jan 25, 2018 | Advice for Leaders, Assumption Hunting, Checking Out Assumptions, Facilitating Learning, Goal Setting Conversation, Group Mentoring, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Communication, Mentoring Questions, Mentoring Relationships, Mentoring Training, Supporting Mentors and Mentees
One of the biggest stumbling blocks for mentoring pairs is staying on track over the course of the year.
To make sure you avoid this potential trap, make sure you determine how to manage your mentoring time:
How often and how long will you meet?
How will you handle and reschedule cancelled meetings? Consider using an agenda, preparation, and journal as vehicles for maximizing learning. Your schedule holds and organizes your most valuable asset – your time.
For new mentor/mentee relationships, the development of an agreed-upon framework will not only set expectations, but also support focused meeting times so you both get the most out of your time together.
For more experienced pairs, referring back to the framework (or creating a new one) is a great way to a mentoring relationship back on track.
Ready for more? Review the Mentor’s Guide: Facilitating Effective Learning Relationships for more support, insight and tools.
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Dec 5, 2017 | Advice for Leaders, Facilitating Learning, Goal Setting Conversation, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Communication, Mentoring Relationships, Mentoring Training, Supporting Mentors and Mentees
Maintaining accountability in a mentoring relationship is critical for success. But it’s not one-sided. Accountability must be mutual. “Wait, what?” you might be thinking. “Accountability is hard enough, but mutual accountability?”
Yes! Making sure both mentors and mentees are accountable keeps mentoring relationships moving and on track thanks to regular care and attention. Regular monitoring of your relationship guarantees that even when the relationship seems to be going well, you can still promote mutual accountability and, therefore, a healthy relationship.
How do you get started? Use the following conversation tips to provide a framework that drives mutual accountability — and helps maintain it.
Check in at the beginning of your meeting. Regularly ask, “How is it going?” Probe your mentee’s response, and take it to a deeper level.
Share your observations about how things are going and what concerns you have about the learning process. For example, “I’ve noticed that our discussions are very general and theoretical. Are you finding them helpful?”
Take a step back before you go forward. For example, “Let’s take a look at how we’re doing. What’s particularly helpful to you in your learning? What has been least helpful? What do you think is going well? What do we need to improve? What kind of additional assistance do you need?”
Use your mentee’s goals as benchmarks for measuring the progress and achievement of learning goals. Refer to them frequently. Evaluating progress regularly maintains momentum, keeps learning goals at the forefront of the relationship and holds partners mutually accountable for achieving them.
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Oct 12, 2017 | Goal Setting Conversation, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Communication, Mentoring Questions, Mentoring Relationships, Mentoring Training, Supporting Mentors and Mentees
Imagine this scenario:
You are hidden in the cubicle next to your supervisor when a colleague drops by to ask her about your performance and contribution to her team. In your dream scenario, your supervisor raves about your work ethic, your analytic skills, your strong relationships with co-workers and members of the leadership team.
That, of course, is what you would like to hear! But in reality, do you have a real handle on what others would say about you? Do you know how your mentor might answer that question?
Managers wish employees would come to them to ask how are they are doing, and what specific areas they should work on. Mentors feel the same way. It’s a lot easier and more comfortable to provide feedback when a mentee seeks it out and is open to working on him or herself. While we all seek positive feedback, we also need to be open to hearing a frank assessment of what holds us back or gets in our way. And, most importantly, we need to be prepared to work on ourselves once an area has been identified.
Here are 5 tips in asking for feedback from your mentoring partner:
- Be clear and specific about what feedback you’re looking for. First, start on a positive note by asking about areas of strength. Then, ask about two areas your mentor feels you need to work on. (Two keeps it limited and doable.)
- Check for understanding (especially around constructive feedback) without getting defensive. If you are unaware of the issues your mentor is raising, ask for an example of where you fell short (again, without being defensive or aggressive). Make sure you agree on what behaviors would help correct deficiencies.
- End the conversation on a positive note. Thank your mentoring partner for their feedback.
- Take time to reflect on what you heard. Think about how the feedback you received might be impacting other areas of your personal and professional life. Set aside any negative feelings you have about what you heard by remembering that this feedback was designed to help you grow and develop.
- Address the areas that have been raised by taking action. Become more conscious about your behaviors and how they affect others and your work. Check in (but not too soon) with your mentor to determine if what you are doing differently is making a difference.
How do you like to ask for feedback?
