by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Apr 24, 2017 | Facilitating Learning, Goal Setting Conversation, Growth and Development, Mentoring Communication
Does this mentoring conversation sound familiar?
“When my mentee complains about her VP, I take a small breath. The normal me would start coaching, telling, suggesting, and problem solving. That’s what I am good at. But guess what? That’s not what she is looking for from me, nor does she really need it.
My mentee knows what she needs to do. What she is actually looking for is acknowledgement and support for approach and strategies. So, I’ve learned to don my facilitator hat and start the conversation by asking questions. And I listen. And I learn. I learn what she is thinking. I learn what frustrates her. I learn what she has already tried. I learn what has worked. And mostly I learn what a talented, perceptive, ambitious woman she is. I look for ways to applaud her efforts and her thinking. I hold up a mirror for her and sometimes help her tweak her idea. We both come away having learned something new, along with increased appreciation of our different points of view.”
Conversation should come easy to all of us, right? Wait. Not so fast. What often passes for conversation is sometimes something quite different: information sharing, transactions, question and answer, and even push-back.
Really good mentoring conversation is more about exploring and sharing, rather than telling and reporting. It’s about going deeper, not staying broad and skimming the surface. Good mentoring conversation connects us to one another.
Conversation matters because there is a lot at stake. At the Center for Mentoring Excellence we set high standards for mentoring conversations. We believe really good mentoring depends on a continuum of meaningful conversation. Mentoring partners engage in conversation to grow their relationship, identify learning goals, and work on mentee growth and development. So, you see, there is a lot riding on what you do.
Takeaway: Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters — because it does!
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Apr 5, 2017 | Facilitating Learning, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Communication, Mentoring Questions, Mentoring Relationships, Supporting Mentors and Mentees
Trust is everything when starting out in a new mentoring relationship — and even when you’re nurturing an existing one! While it’s tempting to dive in and drill down quickly to talk about needs and goals at the first meeting, try to avoid this. Instead, focus first on establishing an open and authentic relationship. It takes time and attention, but in the long run, it’s well worth it. You will have established a deeper, more meaningful, trusting relationship. Here are some things to keep in mind:
- Get to know your mentee, and let your mentee get to know you. To jump start the process, come prepared with a list of questions. What is it you want to know about your mentee as a person? What do you want to know about your mentee’s work context?
- Your mentee needs to relate to you, too. Mentees are more forthcoming when a mentor shares their personal success stories, as well as their struggles. If you’re open and authentic, it invites your mentee to be, too.
Check back soon for “Your Mentoring Year” Tip #2!
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Apr 3, 2017 | Goal Setting Conversation, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Relationships, Supporting Mentors and Mentees
How is your year going so far?
With summer right around the corner, we thought it was the perfect time to inject some energy and excitement into your mentoring relationships.
So how about some helpful tips and tools? Just like any other healthy habit, building and sustaining thriving mentoring relationships is a non-stop process, requiring constant care, learning and adjusting.
With this in mind, we’re starting a new program for you — Your Mentoring Year: Mentoring Tips One Month at a Time. Each month we will focus on a mentoring practice, approach or technique that contributes to your mentoring excellence. As part of each month’s tip we’ll discuss why it’s important and how you can specifically apply these practices immediately to enhance your mentoring relationships. It’s both informative and actionable!
After a full year, you can refer back to these monthly tips to assess your effectiveness.
Sound good? Keep an eye out for our first month’s tip early this week!
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Aug 11, 2016 | Facilitating Learning, Goal Setting Conversation, Growth and Development, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Questions, Mentoring Relationships
One of the biggest parts of mentoring? Asking questions! But when should you ask questions? And when the time is right, what should you ask? Here’s a handy list of questions you should be asking your mentee over the course of your mentoring relationship:
For starting the mentoring relationship:
- How do we make this process work for you?
- What are your expectations?
- What would you recommend we do to make this work?
- What are you willing to commit to?
For goal setting:
- What is the most important thing you want to achieve?
- What can I do to help you with your leadership development?
- What is your strongest attribute?
- Where do you see your challenges?
- What would help raise your confidence level?
For pushing and challenging your mentee:
- Is this goal worthy of our time and effort together?
- What might be a challenging project for you to undertake?
- What would it be like to step out of your comfort zone?
- How is this goal going to contribute to your development?
- Did you think you are putting in sufficient effort to accomplish results?
- Why do you think there is only one solution? What else might you try?
- If you were grading your results, what grade would you give yourself?
For goal achievement:
- Did you get the results you hoped for?
- How would you approach this situation?
- Where else can you apply that?
- What is your team looking for from you?
- Is your supervisor seeing a difference?
- How else might you tackle that?
For checking in and feedback:
- What value has this provided for you thus far?
- What can we do differently to improve this relationship?
- Are we on the right path?
- What feedback have you received?
- How do you know you are making an impact?
- How can we make this work for both of us?
- How do you think you are doing?
- Are you satisfied with your results?
- Are you putting in the effort you feel you should?
- You’re quiet … what are you thinking?
- Whose feedback would be a benefit to you?
Ready to get started? Let us know how these questions help improve your mentoring relationships.
(Photo via Flickr CC: Colin_K)
by Center for Mentoring Excellence | Aug 2, 2016 | Facilitating Learning, Making Mentoring Work For You, Mentoring Relationships
So, you’ve decided that you want to start a mentoring relationship. But now what? You need to find a mentor. That might be easier said that done, however. Finding a mentor that’s a good fit for you is an important part of the mentoring process, one that is worth the effort and the time.
And it’s about more than just finding someone you like. You need to be intentional about finding a mentor, and you must consider more than personality — consider learning styles and communication styles.
Here are some things to consider as you begin your search:
- It starts with you — What are you looking to learn? What attributes are you looking for in a mentor? Knowledge, expertise, experience (or all of the above)?
- Identify your “must haves” — What do you need to have in a mentoring relationship? Make a list!
- Use your network like crazy — Tell people what you’re looking for. You never know who they might be able to introduce you to! Meet people, get contact information, research names, find out what you can. Your network is a great tool when looking for the ideal mentor.
- Go back to your list — Once you’ve collected a list of possible mentors, figure out who meets your criteria (and who doesn’t) and begin to select the ones you’d like to reach out to.
Some do’s and don’ts:
- Don’t:
- Pick someone who will be too easy on you
- Select someone just because they like you
- Choose someone because they are the most convenient
- Opt for someone because you already have a relationship
- Choose someone you report to directly
- Do:
- Seek a good learning fit between what you need and what this person has to share
- Find out if this person has sufficient time to mentor you
- Ask yourself if this person will challenge and encourage you to constantly raise the bar for yourself
- Consider if this person appears to be a good listener, has a sincere desire and willingness to mentor, and the knowledge and expertise you need.
Now the fun part: Meet them! Make sure to set up time to get to know your potential mentors, and see if they fit your mentoring criteria. Once you meet them you’ll quickly be able to tell if they are the right one for you.
(Photo via Flickr CC: Mateus Lunardi Dutra)
